Cable Nudes Network

"Here are some programs that will be aired on Northern Peaks, a Canadian adult-movie channel, according to its recently approved CRTC application.

50 Blow:  "Showcasing the oral talents of middle-aged Inuit."

Saskatchewankin':  "Highlights and sidelights of the best in Prairie-style masturbation, filmed live in Prince Albert National Park."

Bear Bonin' with Tim and Lester:  "Wild and wooly all-male action cut tragically short by an unfortunate misunderstanding."

Shaved Regina, Volume 3:  "Ordinary women, only smoother."

Moosejaw!:  "That's a complement around here, eh?"

Quebec to Your Wife:  "Swinging after curfew in downtown Montreal with host Gino Vanelli."

National Hockey Night:  Tape delay from the CBC

AC/BC:  "No holes barred action from suburban Vancouver trailer parks."

Y'know, after a while, they start writing themselves.